Friday, June 22, 2012

Strange Days - is it Real or is it Memorlapse?


Strange Days. We all have them. Within the recent triad of months I have lost three pieces of jewelry. The first to disappear is a 22kt ring that sat amidst other jewelry atop a shelf located in my bedroom. This gold ring holds a lot of significance and is a sibling to two other 22 Kt. gold rings. In addition this particular ring has received spiritual blessings from a Tibetan Buddhist Monk whom has since transcended, a Hindu Pujari, a Voudon, Catholic Priest and many others. Although a ring is a ring is a ring this little bit of history lends it a mysterious ambiance and held joyous and peaceful memories of people and places. This ring has traveled with me for many years; beautiful in its unadorned elegance and bright natural color it is intricately formed into a stylized top view of a lotus.
Previously I have never misplaced this piece of jewelry and it was always put in the same place.
                                              
The day it disappeared 2 unrelated acquaintances that I do not quite trust entered my bedroom at different times for a brief period as I used the pc in my bedroom regarding a matter. This occurred at two different times and both followed me without being asked to. As I began to use the computer each had actually begun to root through my jewelry exploring at the area of the 22 Kt. Gold rings sans permission. Most of the jewelry is more unusual than expensive so while I can understand the appeal to treat it like a living room curio, still does not excuse the audacity of touching my private things. I transcended the lack of manners and asked each to politely not touch my belongings. Each started their brief exploration at the area of the 22 Kt. gold rings. I had since searched my room during a spring cleaning and it is nowhere to be seen.
Gone, baby gone.
But maybe it will turn up.

With the second disappearance I was not even aware the item was missing until it showed up in the most unlikely of places. This item is a pair of sterling silver .925, red coral and turquoise chandelier earrings that are my original design and craftsmanship. Last time I wore them was when I was on a trip to Texas at the end of March 2012. The last day I remember seeing them was when I unpacked and hung them on an earring rack on that same shelf already mentioned. A few days shy of three months since they have crossed my thoughts, they were laying neatly atop a box of stuff for Good Will that I had put on the landing not 30 minutes before. I hadn’t been drinking, hadn’t taken any drugs – illicit or prescribed and had actually been having a good day of clarity, purpose and accomplishment.
A reality, so fleeting – is it real or is it Memorlapse?

The third disappearance occurred in front of my own eyes. Yesterday I was straightening up my earrings when one of my only pair of platinum earrings fell – but never appeared to land. The light beige carpet was just vacuumed and a shiny platinum charm earring would have stood out. I got down on my hands and knees and searched a wide perimeter, wider than physically possible. I combed my fingers through the pile without success but with absolute denial that it could have disappeared in front of my eyes! This motivated me further and I decided to remove and put back everything on the shelves below where the earring fell. Still the earring remained elusive and it was nowhere to be found. My ‘c'est la vie’ defense mechanism kicked in and I finished dusting and vacuuming other areas of the bedroom, including the area around my bed and my night table, waxing it as well.
That night I settled into bed and glance over at my night table and sitting there just glittering at me, mocking me, was that prodigal earring!
I swear it’s those damn faeries, now if they would just return that 22 Kt. Gold ring. …


J. Aquila © 22June2012

Monday, April 23, 2012

Memoranda Deorum

Memoranda Deorum


Open Thine Eyes
The wind whispered.
Or was it voice human.
A tear from Her Eye fell.
Sky wept.
Hush, said She, listen.
Forgotten, said He.
Aeolus' message louder ring.
Listen, O' Mother, said He.
I hear, O' Father!
Immortal Children! Hear!
Reverent, voices rise!
Of those who remember!
Arise, by whatever name
Thou are called!

Old tales told
Voices plea to Gods.
Listen, listen, said He!
Peacock to remind sent
By Regina's hand.
Heaven's tears stayed
By Diespiter might.
Perfume, oxen, lamb et wine
Brought to altars
Gods for boons
Vows of promise upon receipt
In sacrifice and feast
O’ Immortals, by whatever name
Thou are called
Forgotten you shall never be!


21Apr2012©Aquila


The Day My Son Went Missing


The revival of the search for Etan Patz’s body and his murderer has brought back so many emotions I thought, hoped, I would never feel again. This little boy, just six years old, disappeared on his way to school May 26th 1979. Etan’s photo preserves that wonderful look of guileless wonder and expectation bright young boys of that age have, still innocent – at the far edge of babyhood when they are moving towards independence to embrace the world. Fearlessly expecting the world to embrace them back with good intentions. Like a photo of my own son who in the summer of 1979 went missing.

There are memories of that day that will forever be with me, always.

It was a Saturday, no school, we had had a busy fun morning outside in the beautiful weather. The darling boys, my 3 y/o toddler Travis and 6 y/o Jason were tuckered out and both had to be carried sleeping from the car into the house and tucked in their beds. I took advantage of the time and hoped for two hours to catch up on some cleaning and opened all the windows and doors for a good airing out. We had locks on our screen doors and screens as my little one was a climber. I was folding freshly laundered clothing and had silently gone in the boys’ room to put the clothing in their chest of drawers and to check on them. They were both soundly sleeping. I stopped for a moment and gazed at them. To me they were the most beautiful beings I had ever seen; both were charming in their own ways. My Travis’ his straight mahogany hair sticking up this way and that as he slept, his dare devil attitude and mischievousness written on the small smile he wore in his sleep. Jason’s blond curls fell onto his face, which also bore a small smile as he dreamed. Two angelic beings – just as all young children appear in their sleep. Just as a sleeping Etan Patz was looked upon by his own parents.

But my thoughts were far from Etan Patz, even though it was still mentioned frequently: occurring only a couple of months ago. My thoughts were on putting away the cleaning supplies and picking up anything I may have missed – I knew by looking at my sleeping children I was lucky if I had 15 minutes before they awoke. No more than five minutes had passed when I had reentered the bedroom to put one of Travis’ stuffed toys in his toy chest. Travis was fast asleep, he had worn himself out; he had fallen back into a deep sleep.

Jason was gone.   
                                                                                                  
Unconcerned at first I called for him quietly so I would not disturb Travis and thought he had either gone into the bathroom or to the kitchen. He was nowhere to be found in the house. Nowhere. I searched outside calling frantically! I called the police. Jason had been a favorite of the neighbors and they were all out in force looking, my mother arrived and took Travis from my hesitant arms, within five minutes there were police cars and detectives, policeman on foot, in cars, questions, interviewing neighbors and the construction worker paving the far end of the street, photos – all this occurring as I somehow managed to exist through the utter anguish that contorted my very core, an anguish and fear I will never ever be able to convey in words. No one saw my little boy. No one saw my beloved firstborn. The thoughts that went through my head, so horrid, so terrible as my mind incorporated strong defense mechanisms so I would not fall apart. Tears fell silently from time to time; I had to gain control to keep clear. My precious boy needed me. Where was he? Who would take him? Jason never wandered off before but I remembered how proud and excited he was to walk to school all by himself. I was disconcerted and not wholly on board at first but the school was encouraging parents to allow children in the immediate vicinity to walk to school to cut down on traffic at the Long Island, N.Y. school. It was a 2 ½ block straight shot from the corner of our lane to the school so I could stand and watch him and be there waiting for him. We had walked the route many times to explore a small one acre preserved wooded area where the boys could also climb huge rocks.  Further on down by the school was a park with slides, swings, sandbox and other great playground equipment.  In those days, we walked everywhere. The “village” began at the far end of our block, we simply made a right and there were two long blocks of all kinds of shopping. Jason knew that route as well. He knew the butcher, the pharmacist, the ladies at the “five and ten,” the librarian, the grocers and many of the little shops – even my physician. All were searched, all were being searched. People and Police alike were trying to appear calm but Etan Patz disappearance was too fresh. The similarities between the two boys physical description was too close. Their worried looks intensified my fears.

It was just an hour that had gone by but it felt like an eternity! At that point I heard cheerful relieved voices! He was found up the block at the wooded preserve: he had finished collecting various leaves, bugs, pebbles and was sitting on a rock singing Sesame Street songs.

When I saw him coming down the lane, my precious child smiling, one little hand in the tall policeman’s, the other holding his plastic Oscar the Grouch bucket full of his treasures and wearing the policeman’s huge hat, the world got brighter, I got lighter, I could feel the blood rush into face and I ran to him and gathered him in my arms.

He was not expecting all the policemen, police cars, detectives and neighbors. His lushly lashed eyes went from fun and excitement to a worried confusion that mostly disappeared when he espied grandma holding my beloved Travis and his whole face was alight! I held him tightly against me and told him I loved him.

He turned that beautiful face to me, his huge bright water blue eyes full of discovery, his momentary confusion dissolved and with a dazzling smile Jason declared:

“Mommy I can feel your heart!”

“You are my heart” I choked out.


23Apr2012©Aquila


Friday, June 24, 2011

A Sonnet for My Father


A Sonnet for My Father

My love for thee is preserve’d even still
That thee are no more matters not my heart
Your love built strength, dignitas instill’d
Mind mine is full of your smile sublime
Freely given form of love, of virtue
With wide open eyes your voice I hear
Laughter fills thoughts that once fill’d our home
That mirth still resounds, it comforts even now
Tears at times I shed, reason not without
For long gone you are but past cure am I
But the gifts many you laid at my feet
Joy, compassion, honor are but a few:
   Resilience inherent keeps me afloat
   Thee who taught love, Father’s Day I devote.

J. Aquila © 16June2011

Non-fiction

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Feenjon … a magical cafe


Preface: I wrote this a few years ago based on memory. I am sure there is a romantic nostalgic element to this stroll down memory lane and there is a great possibility I knitted together "neighboring" memories of the West and East Village area in NYC; but this is how I remember it.
The Feenjon
                          … a magical cafe                        



 Off an eternally wet cobblestone street in the bohemian West Village, about a half block down from Washington Square Park, maybe between W. 4th St. and Bleeker St., off MacDougal St., I think, sat a quaint little establishment called the Feenjon. Or at least I think that is how it was spelled.  Now it might not be called that now as this was back when I was in my teens beginning at about age 14 or 15 I would sneak out of my comfortable and safe Long Island suburban home to slip into the city. Believe me that was long ago, late 1960’s early 70’s.  My friends and I, who btw never got caught, well I don’t think, would drink the coldest fizziest cokes, eat huge crispy hot fries, sometimes play chess, while listening to a truly mix of fine music. Ok, so they did Folk too, well mostly really, and yes, Poetry readings, this was fine because that was when the other senses of the bistro would shine to keep me, and the others, from boredom. These were the Feenjon’s true treasures.
Since we often arrived after midnight, the little Shoppe’s on either side were closed, their windows darkened, and since  the Feenjon had no windows on the ground floor at this level it made it seem more shrouded and mysterious. That is the way I remember it anyway. There was always a friendly face, the covert bouncer or the bouncer and a greeter, dressed in Village Chic, mostly underdressed, attractive, NYU students or Grads waiting for their big break, with the flavor of the neighborhood. I never remember being asked for a cover, but there was an unwritten rule that you buy at least one menu item per visit, a rule that a pleasant server would remind you of, in case you have forgotten.
The main entrance appeared to be a cool tenebrous open maw that wound into an alcove with a gloomy amber glow that had an almost unsettling welcome to it.  Just a second before descending down into the dark tunnel the senses were gifted with the faint cloying whisper of music that enticed one into an inevitable paradise. Regardless of any apprehension you might have had one also sensed the strong gravitational pull of relaxation that drew you into a place where it is all good so any trepidation dissolved immediately. Perhaps the unease came from the fact that you knew once you descend into the Feenjon’s belly you must helplessly submit leaving all stress outside; only relaxation and pleasure need ensue.
After ascending from the long, cool, thankfully wide, tunnel lit only by Christmas lights the actual Feenjon came into sight; an airy huge room full of old mismatched wooden and metal  tables, chairs and benches gleaming from years of “body polishing”. To the left, I think, along a wall is one of the longest bars I have ever seen, or that is how I remember it, it snaked along the wall in a convex fashion and from the entrance you cannot see where it ends. You got the feeling were are standing on the edge of a torch lit medieval hall with low wood accented ceilings and beyond it lay labyrinthine passageways. Your sense is partially right as doors and levels, one laid in amphitheater style, artistically break up the rooms and areas beyond it so some patrons can enjoy the music and even see the artist over the table in front of them, others can enjoy the company of others in yet another room and still others can enjoy peace, quiet and introspection in another designated sphere. Eerie gossamer wisps of fragrant incense smoke decorated every part of the café dancing like lithe ethereal silver and ivory dancers that kept to themselves and left before becoming bothersome. Sometimes they were chased by obscene fogs of cigarette smoke, but yet, they never complained. Nor did the smoke bother too many customers because they had a great ventilation system, one that sometimes caused a momentary chill in the air in the cold New York winters when it cleaned the air. Somehow that reminiscence is comforting.
This just adds another shining layer to the memories of the Feenjon’s Treasures.
Its alluring ambiance lay not in its 50’s beatnik meets the 60’s Hippie décor but in the patrons who were magnetized to its spiritual affect; its sounds, sights, flavors, modes of stimulation and scents etched in their minds. The music or lighting, darkness really, beckon the patron to explore each nook and cranny the Feenjon has, or had, to offer.
I went there until my mid 20’s, visiting when I was in town for a while, it seemed as if it was always open, never closed but when the sun went down until the sun rose, it was a magical cafe. It was the kind of place where one went after dancing or after a visit with NYU students and the colorful population while hanging out in Washington Square Park. You could always find some simple hearty fare like out of this world onion soup, great yeast bread or a huge frothy cappuccino, and sit and relax the night away while starving musicians, and a more than occasional famous one, entertain for tips, or not. You never knew who would be sitting next to you, mulling over his/her own plate of the extravagantly priced repast and chatting fervently over the most current conflict, discovery or other current event. Bob Dylan, Dustin Hoffman to drop a couple of names. Or any topic from Organic Gardening to Philosophy to Metaphysical Ideations, no matter what eventually you were drawn into the depths of their thought; simple recipes became complex mathematical formulas. It was times like that when you suddenly looked around to see that not only did the conversation shift, but also many of those participating. Not only did it draw local and/or famous Musicians and Artists, but Playwrights, Philosophers, Commentators, Authors, Professors from surrounding Universities; those who were the shining beacons of 20th Century Trends and revolutionary Thought. No one bothered getting autographs, that behavior was checked at the door, once inside everyone was equal; it was a training ground for cool. The Patrons; they were the true treasures. It was a Utopia in miniature where humanity was at its best.
Although located in the heart of Manhattan I never remember feeling threatened; even when I went out the back way on Minetta Lane I think it was called, to get some fresh air or to watch the pre-dawn traffic waiting for the sun to rise. These partial glass double wooden doors are actually not an exit but an entrance from the lane behind it and also the had only windows I remember as well: to get to it you had to go up some brick steps to a lovely brick patio that overlooked an intersection of narrow cobblestone lanes where several little avant-garde shops, florists, bakeries and art studios fill the neat upscale buildings. Well-made strong black French wrought iron glass top tables and chairs dotted the red brick patio, itself surrounded by the same ornate ironwork. In dry weather, huge weathered umbrellas and well worn overstuffed cushions appear, but even without them it was fairly comfortable. Nothing could detract from the sounds of the early morning. Or the star-filled skies at 3 am when the arms of your lover was required to keep you warm enough to enjoy the frost tinged air while the hot steam from a mug of their cappuccino leaves a slick of beaded droplets.
Or from the kiss, warm full impassioned lips tentatively pressed together before slowly reaching passionate depths.
Anyway on warm nights people might gravitate to the outside to enjoy the proliferation of flower beds, not only on the ground level terrace off the Patio  but on the balconies and terraces of the private apartments, town homes and lofts of the area’s residents. Depending upon the hour different aromas of the Village drifted about. Besides the entrancing florals there was an international menu of cuisines till late in the night and pastries being crafted in the hours before dawn. It was also in the hours just before dawn when I was often serenaded by glorious songbirds when even my breathing was barely discernable but other times one was serenaded by a plethora of instruments and other various modes of music, laughter, talking; the sound human.
And so, like so many times before I will once more say goodbye to the Feenjon, a place that will be with me forever.

26June2004 © Aquila


Non-fiction


Please enjoy the following links for a brief journey back in time:





Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A Memory for Veteran's Day Nov. 11 2010

Non-Fiction

Over thirty years ago as a young RN I would pick up extra shifts at the VA hospital to supplement my income from my regular job. I remember that Vets who were admitted for non-emergency surgeries would wait at least three weeks in-house before getting their surgeries. Particularly if you were on the ward which was a 40 bed unit assigned to one nurse. The four bed semi-private rooms were not much better but care was more immediate and palliative care was usually prescribed fairly early by interns, med students and if the Vets were real lucky, by the tough hardworking ex-vet full time RNs. There were two to four private rooms on each unit but they were for VIPs or for those who required quarantine. What drove the quality and timeliness of the care were the med students, interns and the residents who were the instructors – and they were slow. Average in house stay for a hernia was four to six weeks because these Vets made excellent guinea pigs. They had every test and procedure imaginable and they waited long periods between each one due to a lack of organization. The general consensus was that those “test subjects” were chosen because they lived alone or had no living spouse or were homeless but in general good health. The Vets on the ward were also mostly WW II vets and a few Korean war vets – Viet Nam war vets were usually on other floors or in the psych units – most VN vets had an initial psych eval as part of their admission. The Ward quickly became home to those admitted as they waited for their “surgeries”- most of which were unnecessary – they turned their beds and side tables into neat little living quarters, keeping them neat and clean, most changing and making their own beds as long as they were able. They organized card games, played chess and sat about telling stories and broke bread together. And they sang.

One morning after breakfast on a particularly gloomy and rainy day an announcement that surgeries scheduled for the next day were cancelled. The Vets coped as usual with jokes, a few curses under their breath and than sat on their beds waiting for procedures, meds and anything else that was the morning routine (which usually lasted to lunchtime). The men were more quiet as usual probably because of the rain – the ward looked darker in the rain, the sound of the rain soothing.
One Vet had his radio on, a breadbox size off-white electric 1970
s clock radio that was tuned to a local Country Music station. In a second nearly every man was singing along with faraway pained wet gazes, their postures resigned, the usual jocularity absent:


” Lord, I hope this day is good
I’m feelin’ empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful Lord, I know I should
But Lord, I hope this day is good
Lord, have you forgotten me
I’ve been prayin’ to you faithfully
I’m not sayin’ I’m a righteous man
But Lord, I hope you understand”



As I recall this, there are tears in my eyes; I will always remember these men, these Soldiers, that rainy day and the song they sang which so epitomized their experience not only as patients at the VA hospital but also as United States Veterans.
              


               Aquila

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Weaveworld by Clive Barker

Brief Commentary followed by Review of "Weaveworld" by Clive Barker


A favorite story from 1987, and one I recommend for anyone who weaves stories, poems, music or any aural, visual or physical art. Now if only I can find a decent first edition I can afford! Until then I shall revisit my dog earred paperback copy from time to time.
 
Here is storytelling on a grand scale--the stuff of which a classic is made. Weaveworld begins with a rug--a wondrous, magnificent rug--into which a world has been woven. It is the world of the Seerkind, a people more ancient than man, who possesses raptures--the power to make magic. In the last century they were hunted down by an unspeakable horror known as the Scourge, and, threatened with annihilation, they worked their strongest raptures to weave themselves and their culture into a rug for safekeeping. Since then, the rug has been guarded by human caretakers.
The last of the caretakers has just died.
Vying for possession of the rug is a spectrum of unforgettable characters: Suzanna, granddaughter of the last caretaker, who feels the pull of the Weaveworld long before she knows the extent of her own powers; Calhoun Mooney, a pigeon-raising clerk who finds the world he's always dreamed of in a fleeting glimpse of the rug; Immacolata, an exiled Seerkind witch intent on destroying her race even if it means calling back the Scourge; and her sidekick, Shadwell, the Salesman, who will sell the Weaveworld to the highest bidder.
In the course of the novel the rug is unwoven, and we travel deep into the glorious raptures of the Weaveworld before we witness the final, cataclysmic struggle for its possession.
Barker takes us to places where we have seldom been in fiction--places terrifying and miraculous, humorous, and profound. With keen psychological insight and prodigious invention, his trademark graphic vision balanced by a spirit of transcendent promise, Barker explores the darkness and the light, the magical and the monstrous, and celebrates the triumph of the imagination.
Copyright 1987 by Clive Barker
Hardcover edition 1987 by Poseidon Press, a division of Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Fiction